I never learned hospitality. When I was a kid, other people weren’t really allowed in our house. No sleepovers, no people from church coming by for dinner, no movie nights with friends. So I never learned how to do it – how to be comfortable having people in my space. It’s not that I don’t WANT people there…I just don’t know what to do with them when they GET there.
Do I ask them to sit at the table or in the living room? Or are they more comfortable in the kitchen? I read that somewhere. But there’s nowhere to sit in the kitchen, so maybe that’s just awkward. Do I offer them just a drink? Or a drink plus food? What if they surprise me and I have no food? What if I’m in my pajamas? Oh my gosh, I’m mortified that it’s 6:30pm & I’m already in my pj’s and there’s no food in the house and…and…and…
I’m not good at it. My family & my best friend and her husband, other close friends…that’s different. My house *is* their house. But with other people I don’t know well, I feel weird. And if you feel weird, they feel weird.
In my daydreams I have a big family with kids & friends running in and out all the time. Actually, I’m not sure if life even works that way anymore, for anyone. Maybe we’re all too busy and distracted nowadays. Maybe I just don’t get invites because I’m not half of a couple? I have no idea.
The Bible encourages hospitality, like it’s obligatory. To be honest, I’m not sure I understand the benefit of it. I know a couple who planned a dinner party in their home for about twelve. No one showed up the night of. Half didn’t even say yes they’d be there or no they wouldn’t. There they were dressed up, house clean & pretty, kitchen full of food…and no one even bothered to come. How humiliating & hurtful! That’d make me hesitant to try again, if I were them. It makes ME hesitant to try at all.
This is the time of year for entertaining…so for those of you who know how to do it, have fun! I’ll be in my pj’s at 6:30pm, wondering how you know what you’re doing.
I can totally relate to this, Sherrin. In fact, it’s 8:00, and i’m wondering if it’s too early to go to bed.
A few years ago, I became really close with my neighbors. The kids in the neighborhood hung out at our house. The neighbors knocked on my door if they wanted to chat or a cup of coffee. I hadn’t realized how much i missed that until i read this post. I hope it gets easier for you, hon. And me, too.
By: Laurie Harley on December 9, 2011
at 1:07 am
I kinda feel like it’s a talent that some people are born with. Maybe it’s one you can learn like a skill. ???
It’s those people I don’t know well that I feel weird with. And those are ostensibly the ones you should be extending hospitality to. My close people – they don’t care if I’m in my pj’s, ya know?
By: SassafrasHill on December 9, 2011
at 2:44 am
I used to cry…actually cry…because I was convinced I didn’t have any real gifts. I decided God had missed me or didn’t find me worthy. I was talking to the worship leader’s wife one day and made that comment followed up with “All I know how to do is feed people.” She started laughing and said “Honey. That’s hospitality.”
Our house has somehow become a hub. We have people in and out and over on a regular basis. It’s not big or fancy or even really all that clean. We have 3 boys & a teenage girl and two dogs residing in our small little space. But people SEEM comfortable. As long as they leave feeling loved (and full), I feel like it went well. But here’s the thing…I never feel like I *know* what I’m doing. I’m never confident about it. I just trust that God chose me to receive the gift of hospitality and I trust that I’m simply an instrument that needs to just get out of His way. It is nerve racking every time we extend an invitation to someone new or host a party. But I try to remember, it’s not about me.
One thing I have learned though – hospitality can be shown outside the home too. It’s about leaving people feeling comfortable and loved…no matter where they are.
Just my .02 No one has all the gifts…you have beautiful ones that God picked especially for you.
By: rhonirenee on December 9, 2011
at 11:24 pm